remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
