4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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