That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
