Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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