Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
