Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
