I wannas sexs uuuuu
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Randomize
