Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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