Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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