Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i believe in u and ur pee
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
