I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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