you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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