Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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