at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think I sprained my soul last night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
