If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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