Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
