And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
