i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
