pop tarts are not kleenex
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
