i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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