....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize