WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
