the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
