Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
