is your mom at the bar?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize