no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
