I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
