sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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