Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
