I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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