I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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