I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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