you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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