maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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