We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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