He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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