We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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