What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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