hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
