In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
