I like to think it a success when the cops are called
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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