you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize
