i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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