Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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