another moral hangover. fuck.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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