Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
