I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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