omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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