you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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