I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
