I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
