So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
