i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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