At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
