No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
