you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
