the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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