So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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