you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
