I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
