How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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