if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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