i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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