Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
