The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize