She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
how drunk are you?
Several
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
