Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
As shirtless as possible
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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