fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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