craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
