If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
