worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
