Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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