You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
