I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
