When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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